Coitus Interruptus in a Basement and How It Started This Blog

Hello bloggers!

I've been sitting at my computer for an entire afternoon, chain smoking and drinking a litre of Diet Coke straight from the bottle. I haven't a clue how to start this blog. What's the first thing you need to know? How do I set this up to allow you to get anything at all out of my story? Is my story even worth telling??!

I just ran out for a fresh pack of smokes - which I can't technically afford - and the Diet Coke is almost gone. I just need to say something. Anything. Hepburn wouldn't flinch.

I got the idea for this blog the night that my casual lover and I went to screw in the basement of our workplace (Yep. Not exactly the classiest beginning to my story). We had spirited away from our friends and coworkers into a dingy back locker room where we only hoped we would be uninterrupted. His pants were down around his ankles when something acidic rose up in me. I said:

"Look, as much as I would love to do this right now, I don't think it's good for me anymore."

"Okay..." he said. He looked a little confused. I couldn't tell if he was hurt.

"Okay." I said.

He hugged me. I avoided eye contact. I peeled myself away from him like a bundle of wet clothes. Walking back upstairs was tricky; my footing seemed unsteady. I wondered if he was watching my ass as I walked away.

I ended it in that moment because I was in love with him and couldn't bear the thought of just being his lazy screw, available to get naked at his convenience. 

I took myself outside, I breathed in the cold air. "Yes, Moise," I said out loud. "Yes. You called the shots. You protected yourself. You did it. You reclaimed your dignity, you showed self-respect! You don't need a relationship, especially not a half-baked one, to feel complete! Woman power! Lady strength! Spice Girls! Katharine Hepburn!!"

The thing is, I missed him terribly and instantly. I hurt, and the further away I got from that farcical moment in the basement, the hurt spread to different physical places. My heart, my head. Then it was in my knees. Then in my shoulders. Then it was behind my eyes, until I was sore all over from his absence. I wanted to be sore all over from getting laid in the basement!

So that's when the battle started. The battle of my womanhood. Between the hard and soft. The independent and the codependent. The lover and the warrior. The head and the heart. I went out and got roaring drunk...yay coping mechanisms!

Sometime that night I had the fleeting idea for my own weird little social experiment - take the principles and practices of the Hepburn approach and see how they help or hinder my own life. When I lost my job the next morning (to which my response was "Really?? REALLY??") I was more than settled.

Hepburn walked such a fine line between masculine and feminine. She handled problems practically and efficiently, she called a spade a spade. She was disciplined. She commanded attention and respect. She sucked all the meat of life's bones every single time she had the chance - and when she didn't have the chance she MADE the chance. But she was also a woman - fragile and vulnerable and precariously in love. This is a blog about being a woman, full of fragility and foibles, but finding the strength and power within that.

My life is horribly (pronounced "HARibly", not "WHOREibly" - Kate wouldn't have any of that) normal. I don't presume to have a more interesting day-to-day agenda than you. I'm a city girl, working as an actress (well, not currently), I play my guitar, I shop a hell of a lot, I like scotch and good clothes, books and music, sex and men. I have a non-traditional family of step-moms and ex-step moms and ex-step grandparents. I've got good and whacky friends. I try and navigate being a woman and a professional in a big city just like every other professional woman in a big city. But let's see what happens if I up my game. Let's see what happens if I attack the world Hepburn-style. I don't know...could be fun.

I'm going to try my damndest to share everything with you candidly, and to not skimp on all the juicy, sordid details - because we all like a bit of dirt. And I'd love if you all shared with me, too!

For a detailed account of my battle strategy, head to the page appropriately titled BATTLE STRATEGY. :)

I raise my glass to you.

With a smile,

Moise